1,247 people are reading this guide right now
Last updated: 2 hours ago • Live
Dating while ethically non-monogamous (ENM) or polyamorous is a minefield. While you're explaining at a bar that you and your partner aren't just looking for a "third," but a genuine connection, your date's eyes glaze over. Mainstream dating apps are the same story.
No matter how clearly you state your situation in your bio, you're often met with confusion, judgment, or even a ban for "catfishing." Thankfully, the last few years have seen a wave of apps built specifically for us—people who build relationships with multiple partners with everyone's full consent.
This guide will save you time and frustration: it's not based on dry data, but on real user experiences and hard-won lessons.
The most beautifully designed app is useless if nobody in your city is on it. Niche apps like PolyFinda are great in major metro areas but can be ghost towns elsewhere. Sometimes, you're better off on a more popular app like Feeld or even OKCupid with strong filters—simply because there are actual humans there.
Many of us aren't out about our relationship style to family or coworkers. The app icon on your phone should be discreet, and the chance of being seen by a colleague should be minimal. Look for features like "incognito mode" or "only show my profile to people I've liked."
A great app doesn't just give you a "polyamorous" checkbox. It helps you be upfront about the important stuff: what kind of connections you want, how much time you have, and how you communicate. This filters out 90% of incompatible matches before you even send that first message.
Choose your experience level to get personalized app recommendations
Just exploring non-monogamy, want supportive community
Large user base, educational
ENM-focused, less intimidating
via FetLife events
Know what you want, seeking quality connections
Best community features
Serious relationships
Based on interests
Established relationship, looking to expand
Couple profile linking
Clear relationship status
Detailed filtering
Feeld is, without a doubt, the cultural cornerstone for ENM dating. It's loved for its atmosphere of acceptance, a place where you can be whoever you are. Judgment is left at the door, making space for exploration and honest conversations about desire.
Killer Feature: "Connections" lets you link profiles with your partners—a visual map of your relationships that tells people more about your situation than any bio ever could.
The Catch: Historically buggy (though improved in 2023), and user base can be thin in smaller cities.
Best for: Anyone in a city looking for a diverse, kink-positive, and queer-friendly community. Perfect for both newbies and experienced poly folks.
OKCupid wins the prize for the most inclusive mainstream app, and it's not even close. It's been a haven for non-monogamous folks for years thanks to its detailed profiles and massive user base.
Killer Feature: Extensive filters let you see only people open to non-monogamy. The algorithm's questionnaire helps surface matches based on values, not just looks.
The Catch: User base is a mixed bag—from informed polyamorists to curious newbies to couples just "spicing things up."
Best for: People in less populated areas who need a larger user pool, or those who want to cast a wide net while still being able to filter effectively.
As the name suggests, #Open was designed specifically for open relationships, polyamory, and everything in between. It feels less like a hookup app and more like a dedicated networking tool for the community.
Killer Feature: Hashtag-based search system lets you tag your profile with what you're into (#kink, #poly, #queer) and what you're looking for (#dates, #friends, #community).
The Catch: User base isn't as large as Feeld's or OKCupid's, so your experience depends heavily on location.
Best for: People who know exactly what they want and appreciate a platform built with intentionality. Great for finding folks with specific interests.
Used: Feeld → Found 2 partners in 3 months
"Connected with my primary partner through Feeld's 'connections' feature. Being able to show our relationship structure upfront saved so much time explaining."
Used: OKCupid → 73% match compatibility
"OKCupid's questions helped me find people who actually understood ENM. Met my girlfriend of 8 months there."
68%
Find meaningful connection within 90 days
2.4
Average partners found per user
89%
Report positive ENM dating experience
4.2
Average months to find primary partner
Hyper-focused on polyamory with features for finding everything from partners to local events to poly-friendly therapists.
Fantastic idea, but often suffers from low user count and a clunky interface outside of major cities.
For queer and trans folks, these are essential. Searchable tags like #poly and #ENM make them viable tools for finding local connections.
Lex is incredible for queer community building that can lead to deep, meaningful connections.
Think of it less as a dating app and more as "Facebook for kinky people." The best place to find local munches, workshops, and discussion groups.
The relationships you form here are often built on a stronger foundation of community and shared interests.
See what you'll actually spend to find quality connections
💡 Money-saving tip:
Start with free versions, upgrade only your most successful app after 2 weeks.
Forget being mysterious. Your goal is to scare off the wrong people and attract the right ones.
Phrases like "exploring non-traditional relationships" are useless noise. Say it plainly: "I am married and polyamorous. I'm looking for a committed partner to share concerts and deep conversation with." Yes, this will scare off 95% of people. The 5% who remain are your target audience.
Ditch the car selfies. Use photos of you hiking, with your friends, at a concert, or with your pets. Let people see what you're like, not just what you look like. It gives them a real, non-creepy opening line.
If you have partners and everyone is comfortable with it, say so! Link profiles on Feeld or mention them naturally in your bio. It creates immediate transparency and trust with potential matches who are looking for the same level of honesty.
Polyamory focuses on multiple romantic relationships with emotional connections, while open relationships typically allow physical encounters outside the primary partnership. Many poly people have multiple loving relationships simultaneously, whereas open relationships often maintain one primary emotional bond.
Feeld currently has the largest active polyamorous community, especially in major cities. However, OKCupid has a larger overall user base with many poly-friendly filters. The "best" app depends on your location - urban areas do well with Feeld or #Open, while rural areas may need OKCupid's larger pool.
Most ENM-focused apps offer privacy features like incognito browsing, discrete app icons, and profile hiding options. Feeld and #Open specifically design for discretion since many users aren't publicly out about their relationship style. Always check each app's privacy settings when creating your profile.
There is no single "best" app. It all depends on your city, your needs, and your vibe.
In a big city?
Start with Feeld
Know what you want?
Try #Open
Rural area?
Use OKCupid
Remember, the app is just the introduction. The most important conversations—about boundaries, expectations, and feelings—happen off-app. Use these tools to find your people, but focus on building the relationships that work for you, not the algorithm.
Join thousands who've found meaningful connections through ethical non-monogamy